His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
