we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
