Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
