I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
