I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
