Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize