hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
