Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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