the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
