we're blogging at a bar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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