Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
