i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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