I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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