At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
