just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
