Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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