I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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