Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
