she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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