I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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