Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize