sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
