I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
