I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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