Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
