My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
