i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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