the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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