How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
