hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
