he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize