Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
