is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
