Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
