I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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