guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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