Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
