like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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