I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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