i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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