if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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