i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
