I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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