Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
