I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
