Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
