I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
