I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
