Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
