I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
