I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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