It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
