all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
