...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
