Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
