you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
