covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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