All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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