You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
