i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
