dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
