it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
