Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
