The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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