He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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