I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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