you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
