Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
