I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize