U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
