capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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