I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
