She is in my trunk
My sheets look like a crime scene.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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