Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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