She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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