She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
