Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
